Sometimes I don’t open my emails.
Sometimes, I get emails I know I should read, but it’s not going to hurt anyone to read it tomorrow or the day after. I’m not being irresponsible – I just don’t have the energy to care about what it’s going to say and it’s legitimately not important and I know that if I don’t care while I’m reading it, I won’t care enough to remember.
And sometimes, it’s the Email I Have Been Waiting For Or a reply to something that I truly care about. And I get giddy and I peek over it at it like but never focus on it, just to make sure it’s still there. Like my crush is still looking at me. “Oh wow, it’s really for me, they took the time to email me?”
I JUST can’t bear to open it. Because opening it means I have to deal with the unreal reality that it’s good news and then having to live up to expectations of THEM having replied to ME. Or it’s bad news and I have to live with that. I think that’s called Imposter Syndrome.