Scribbles

I asked her a question and I saw her raise her eyebrowns in quizzical frustration, turn AWAY, and NOT EVEN ANSWER ME. Even the med student saw it. Talk about being shamed. And for what? What is it worth? Is it so hard to be patient or decent? Does it cost you that much? Yes. … Continue reading Is it so hard?

I didn't realize how exhausted I was when I finished Friday afternoon. Of course I was tired. But I slept a good 10 hours that night and woke up and just felt physically morose. More so than I had the day before. Twelve straight days of work takes a toll and I hadn't even realized … Continue reading A Good Weekend

No time for a real thought here - just want to count my blessings. Chas - for covering for meDr. Faris from Anesthesia CC for saying hello to me randomly!My patients for making it easy to like themEmily Fan and Dr. Yoo for making it easier to like me Let's run it back.

Call days are hard. In a thousand different ways. You wait for that code or that tanking patient. And maybe you get one - my first one didn't have one, thank the lord. But it comes death by a thousand, never-ending papercuts. Pages, steps, calls, callbacks, missed, etc. And then you look up and forgot … Continue reading Call Day 1: What in the Sam Hill?

Today, during sign-off, I made a mistake with a patient's past medical history. I was hesitant to say it because I didn't quite remember. But with my tiptoeing and hesitation, my senior who was with me, cut me off, recited from memory the patient's full ED and hospital course and everything that happened. She then … Continue reading ReMemory

I am sorry I messed up your wound dressing, my patient. I am NOT sorry I tried to give you the best care I thought I needed to. I am sorry I wasn't neat enough and that I didn't take pride in my work - I let my fear of being found a coward override … Continue reading Sorry vs. Not Sorry (part 1)

In my work, I have to approach trauma patients about PTSD or depression. While doing my best to preserve anonymity, I am going to record some of the things they tell me over the next few months. Paraphrasing is prioritized over accuracy to voice.    "I do blame myself. I shouldn't have left the house … Continue reading The Thoughts They Carry – Part 1